A Very Good Explanation Indeed
by grandHyperbole
Summary: Cross is unimpressed, Winters is amused, Allen fears for his life, and Lavi loses fights with inanimate objects. And it is all, down to the last shot fired, Kanda's fault. Rating for Language.


**Disclaimer: **I own that bucket, and nothing else. By the bucket, you'll see what I mean.

So this is _incredibly_ far out of my comfort zone, but **Rahkshi Sister** had a craving for Laven, so I gave her Laven. Unfortunately, I couldn't bring myself to write it in any sort of seriousness, but it's still _technically_ Laven, if only for the position poor Allen finds himself in.

Whelp, hope you enjoy it.

* * *

Allen had never been so terrified in his young life, which truly was saying something, given all his run-in's with Tyki Mikk and Rhode Kamelot and their sadistic, painful displays of affection. But Cross Marian was involved, so he figured he had a damn good reason to be saying his final prayers and mental reading off his last rights to himself. Cross wasn't even _doing_ anything, aside from staring down at he and Lavi in their tangle of limbs on the floor of the broom closet, one hand braced on the doorframe while the other held the door open. His expression was horrifyingly blank, not so much as a twitch of his jaw or _a blink_ to show what he was feeling. Allen knew from experience that this was his Shisho's most deadly expression, even more so than when he was pretending to be nice. He hoped that wasn't him whimpering like a dog about to be kicked in the face.

Given their current position, with Allen straddling Lavi's waist and the young scholar's hand on his stomach, the other braced on the floor behind them while Allen's rested on the redhead's shoulders, he was sure it looked pretty bad. It could have been worse, though; Lavi could have been free of the bucket currently covering his head as a bad substitution for a helmet, and that rather heavy box that had spilled on the floor beside them from where it had fallen from the shelf above them could have had a very painful landing with his own lap. It still wasn't a great position to be in, but at least it was clear it hadn't _started_ with them like this. After three years spent traveling with Cross, he could safely say that wearing a bucket on one's head was not any sort of kink or fetish. At least not that any sane person would partake in.

"I expect there's a good explanation for this." His tone was suspiciously light, as if he hadn't just walked in on his apprentice and the Bookman apprentice practically wrapped around each other on the floor of a broom closet, where they'd fallen when Allen had startled at the sound of his Master's voice coming down the hall toward them. The man probably wouldn't have even found them if he hadn't panicked.

He just continued to look down at them expectantly, Klaud Nine peaking around the doorframe curiously while Winters laughed at them from his place behind Allen's Master. He had never been so embarrassed in his life, not even when the ladies at one of the brothels had dressed him up in drag and paraded him around the establishment to the sound of Cross dying from lack of oxygen as he laughed at him. He'd take being forced to cross-dress any day if it meant this situation could be erased from existence. At least Tiedoll wasn't laughing at him, in fact the older man looked mildly concerned, but that could be because Lavi was fighting to get a bucket off his head and seemed to be losing.

"I-it's not what it looks like, Shisho! I promise!" Curse his fear of the man for making him stutter, he'd never live this down with the other Generals. He'd only just recently reached the rank and now he was doomed to be known for being found in a broom closet, tangled with Bookman Jr., who couldn't even win a fight with a fucking _cleaning supply_. At least the box of floor soaps and such had missed his crotch when it had fallen with them.

Cross stared down at him with a clearly unimpressed expression, but at least it wasn't completely blank anymore. He raised his eyebrow at the white haired teen, clearly waiting for him to get on with his explanation, but he didn't get a chance to carry on as Lavi finally got the bucket off his head and decided to add his own two cents.

"IT'S ALL KANDA'S FAULT, NII-SAN, I SWEAR!" Lavi screaming in his ear was not what he was expecting, but with the volume of it he was sure it would be the last thing he ever heard. It took him a moment of rubbing carefully at his ear to realize exactly what Lavi had just said, making him freeze and stare at his red-haired friend in horror.

"N-nii-san?" Oh dear god, could the situation _possibly_ get any worse?

"Found you, bastard rabbit!" Oh he'd jinxed it, he'd definitely jinxed it. There was their "good explanation" right there, probably storming down the hall with Mugen unsheathed and looking to skin them alive. It was definitely him whimpering now, struggling to put Lavi between himself and the Japanese exorcist.

"Yu! Language!" He'd never been so glad to have Tiedoll around, considering the man was usually rambling about how he should spend more time with Timothy and start looking for other new Exorcists and god knew what else. Using the distraction to untangle himself from Lavi and go flying down the hall toward safety, he resolved to force an explanation on the "nii-san" thing from Lavi later. If the scholar lived through his encounter with Kanda.

He thought he heard Winters say something along the lines of "And to think, that is _all_ your fault, Cross. You sure are good at raisin' kids." to Cross, but he was already at the corner of the hallway and attempting to turn without having to ricochet off the wall. He was sure he heard the gunshot aimed at the Mexican General, though.


End file.
